desolation in new beginnings
a poem meditating on acceptance & release from the ending of a romantic interaction
how empty i feel
drained of the substance that was you
how empty of me it was to be full of you
hope is the weight of assumptions
and the possibilities of desires met
you'll go wherever you want to go today
but i shall remain
you'll open the door with a smile on your face
but I'd barely make it past the curtains
am i invited?
how strange familiarity can easily be repulsive
aren't we made to be together
like beans in a pod?
or closely linked
like the cotyledons of a dicot?
the weight of the world feels mine to bear
the sleeves of my hand torn with despair
where is my heart again?
I feel like a sieve
with all there is left of my feelings
a wobbly pulp insoluble
to be made use of
or discarded
does the sun forget to rise
or the moon give up on it's cycles?
does unrequited love
beget the embers of my yearning?
will i forget what i find
to be the truth that i let flow from me
like resin from a woody tree
viscous and time-bound
to harden with time
and to be harvested and valued
will i dwell in shame
will it set camp outside my mental garden
to remind me that i once was bare
vulnerable in my nakedness
like every being there is
how will I then present before your eyes
that have seen me beyond the flesh
uncertainty is reality
clarity is the nemesis of ambivalence
would you rather live with words unsaid?
below is a recital of the poem above by me, have a listen ✨
as i sat with the feeling of yearning for a romantic interaction with someone, the creator (God) gave me an idea to channel it into a song. as an act of acceptance & release, i transmuted my feelings at that moment. love is alchemy, we get to see ourselves deeply when we consciously choose to love others. feel it.
below is a demo of a song i am working on, it is a work in progress and could morph into infinite forms. i am just grateful that i get to express myself in ways accessible and honest to me.
i would love to end this piece with two meditative lines from the ever gifted Janelle Monáe from her song ‘Locked Inside’ the fourth song on the critically acclaimed album The ArchAndroid.
The song! Tikiti. and the accompanying artwork is so deeply moving.